my husband will probably divorce me. but maybe my stalker will take me in?

hey y'all!

happy spring break!

this week has been yet another reason i'm so glad i chose a career path based on its vacation schedule. (i kid, i kid ... sorta ... kinda. wink wink!)

so i'm sure you're wondering what kind of glitzy, fabulous, glamorous fun we're having around here these days, right? (or not. humor me.)

but first - allow me to take a sec and give a great big shout out to my super awesome pals cody & ali ... howdy, friends!!! it was SO great to run into you guys and your precious nugget at the grocery store this weekend. i could just eat him up!! ... and i'm just saying ... if he's ever into dating older women ... clearly - i'm talking about the wild woman here. not me. duh. ha!

alrighty, peeps. spring breakin'.

ever since my super fab erin condren planner showed up on my doorstep last august, i've had the week of spring break blocked off with one word: CASA.

i've been amassing a MASSIVE to-do and to-decorate list of projects that i was dying to do and dreading all at the same time. i'd come home on fridays with fabulous intentions of knocking several things out over the weekend, but by sunday night i'd resigned myself to the fact that my house would be half-finshed FOREVER.

so. when the bell rang last friday and the last baby was tucked safely in the bus line, mama got her game face on.

i'm overjoyed to tell you that as of tonight, the only thing left on what used to be a three-page-plus list is having new crown moulding installed in the bedrooms and the living room ... which is a job that will most definitely be left to professionals this summer. 'cuz carpentry + marriage = D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

but. the before and afters and the dirty details surrounding this week are another post in themselves. a post i promise (err. hope. wish. dream.) to post before we rip it all down and re-decorate again.

tonight's edition is dedicated to the day that almost ended me. or at least, i was scared it was going to end me.

and not just because i spent so much at hobby lobby that it took three trips to get it to the car.

so.

i set off to hob lob with a list that included everything from sharpies to fabric to grapevine wreaths to spray paint to twine to art canvases to wicker baskets. (more later on how those fit together for the common good.) that said, i went in armed with a grande skinny mocha (one splenda), grabbed a cart and got to work.

i'm the kind of shopper that really relishes the heck out of taking my sweet, blessed time when the option of leisurely browsing around a store presents itsself. and on this particular day, hubby was safely tucked away at work, the wild woman was safely tucked away at rita's getting her nails painted and her hair curled, and the four-legged children were safely tucked away in their kennels with fresh blankies and bacon treats ... meaning ... mama had all the time in the world to walk up and down the same aisle twelve times and pick up and put down the same picture frame fourteen times if i wanted to.

and i most definitely did.

y'all know how sometimes when you look up somewhere you can kind of catch a stranger's eye for a second or two and then somebody looks away or smiles or says hello and then moves on?

well, i thought at first that was the situation with this random guy that i kept seeing. i was making laps back and forth across the store, so it didn't freak me out that i'd crossed his path a few different times.

until.

i started noticing that every single time i looked up, there he was. always within 5 or 6 feet of me. always looking me dead in the eyes. never looking away or smiling or saying hello. never looking at or picking up a single item in the store.

all three times i went through the fabric aisles? he was there. when i stopped at the sharpies to pick out a few springy hues? he was there. when i was deciding on a color of spray paint? he was there. when i made a fourth trip to the fabric department to get something i forgot? he was there.

after the third or fourth staredown, i started to get a litle anxious. he didn't have a cart, he wasn't paying attention to any of the items in the store, and he was never out of sight for more than a few seconds the entire two hours i was in the store.

if i stopped in a particular aisle for more than a minute or two, i'd look up and see him practically pacing back and forth at the end of the aisle. it got to the point that he didn't even try to hide the fact that he was watching me.

i can't remember a time when i felt more uncomfortable or unsettled. i was starting to FREAK OUT.

i managed to convince myself that he was going to grab me, drag me out of there, murder me and dispose of me in some horrible way. (side note: y'all don't ever let me get a triple shot of espresso again. nothing good will come of it.)

i could've just left all my stuff and walked out, but i was afraid leaving the (somewhat) safety of the store might really put me in danger, so i kept browsing and hoped he would just leave.

but of course he didn't.

my next thought was of course to stealthily take his picture, text it to my friends and family and make sure they showed it to the police after i went missing.

my first attempt wasn't too successful. i'm thinking he kind of knew what i might be up to and hoped it would scare him away.

but no. he came back again. and again. and again. and again. this was the best shot i could get, but i hoped it would give the detectives enough to go on. (you know, if the wild happenings of my imagination just happened to come true.)

i spied a manager and pulled him aside to explain my situation. he, naturally, thought i was nuts. but he did offer to have someone help me get my stuff to the car so i wouldn't have to walk out alone - which would have been necessary anyway considering how many goodies i had wedged in the cart.

a good 10 or 15 minutes went by without spotting the weirdo, and i figured i was home free. i headed up to the check out area and BAM! ... there he was. leaning on one of the display shelves right next to the register where i was checking out. not looking at anything or holding anything to purchase. just watching me check out (which took nearly twenty minutes and threatened to make my debit card spontaneously combust on the spot) without ever looking away.

i got everything together, waited on my escort, and out we went. no big deal, right?

well it wouldn't have been a big deal if the superfreak hadn't walked out a few steps behind us.

he got in his car (which was a few spaces over from mine on the opposite row) and sat there watching while we got everything loaded in my vehicle. i asked the store clerk to wait another minute or two because i wasn't comfortable leaving first. (note to self: personalized tags are super fun. until you're worried somebody is following you. dang it!)

five minutes or so went by (seriously) before he finally started his car and left the parking lot. i waited for a little bit in my car and then drove the most zig-zaggy (yes, it's a word) path i could to get home. you know. just in case.

i got here, locked the doors and obsessively checked the locks all afternoon. i peeked out of the blinds about a bajillion times an hour making sure he wasn't parked in front of my mailbox.

no signs of him since then, but i still have the picture on my phone just in case!

so while i was hiding out in the fabric aisles and plotting my escape strategy, i spied a couple of fabrics that i completely fell head over heels in love with!

at 40 whopping smackaroos a yard, i couldn't bring myself to buy a stash just to stare at in the craft closet ... but it sure was cute!

i DID have a plan for this darker version ... i need a couple of roman-ish shades in my laundry room, but the price tag made me hesitate again. especially when i already had a triple digit total headed my way at the checkout stand.

that said, i caught a glimpse of the clearance fabric rack on my way out and did end up coming home with these two ...

the green/brown/orange print was only 7 bucks a yard and found its new home on top of my great-great-grandmother's buffet cabinet that i sorta kinda stole from my dad a few years ago. possession is nine-tenths of the law, rickey c!

the black/gray/taupe cheetah print was only 10 bucks a yard and will be super cute when it's turned into shades for my laundry room ... and the best part is that the curtains won't be worth more than my washer and dryer when it's all said and done. ha!

hope y'all had a rockin st. patty's day!! hopefully planting all my flowers today will means i'll have a green thumb this year instead of black. fingers crossed!

love y'all bunches -

j