i ain't as good as i once was ...

.... but (let's hope!) i'm as good once as i ever was. ... name that song, y'all!

(disclaimer: i haven't an earthly {or non-earthly, for that matter} clue as to why the spacing is so janky. unless it has to do with the double-digit number of days this post has been languishing in my drafts. oops. i've messed with it for almost 45 minutes, and i'm at a crossroads. it's either post it or delete it. so now, in true managerial fashion, i'm passing my problem on to you. hope something here makes you smile on this pretty day! holla!)

so i clearly am not nearly as good/organized/awe-inspiring as i thought i was.

and because i know it won't shock you, let me just go ahead and mention that the number of y&r episodes currently cluttering up waiting patiently in my horridly neglected dvr is more than my age.

(d.o.b. 8.9.83. do the math.)

anyhow.

my short-lived attempt at getting better with my big girl camera was just that ... blah. but i have some super-fun things to show you from my beloved phone.

surely there's something here to make you giggle!

i. can't. help. myself. oh, y'all. if you've been here before, you know the story of my obsession. and if you haven't, just use your imagination. at least these are seasonal though!

i hit the road a few (umm, almost 5 ... shame on me!) weeks ago for my very first solo trip outside my zip code since before i got preggers with the wild woman almost 4 years ago. kids, husbands, and dogs alike were left to their own devices for nearly 48 hours - mama needed OUT.

this was also the first time i've taken the 4runner on a for-real road trip. shades on, sunroof open, music way up, and a happy hour diet dr. pepper in the cup holder. i was a happy, happy girl for the entire 4-hour trip. (minus the fricking fracking chip in the windshield thanks to a fricking fracking rock from a fricking fracking truck. frick.)

if you don't immediately know where i was going just by looking at this photo, i'm not sure we can be friends anymore. (but since i'm feeling generous on this gorgeous wednesday, i'll give you a hint ... WOO PIG!!!!!)

that's right, kids. mama hit the road for fayetteville!! and a little mini-reunion with the world's greatest friend, roommate and bridesmaid EVER. she even had a cute new wine glass waiting for me when i got there! seriously LOVE that girl. she's seen me through some of the best (and worst) moments in the last 10 years and STILL speaks to me on a regular basis. which is HUGE.

we (along with two other awesome peeps) may or may not have used our pretty new stemware to drain six bottles of stella rosa in a little under two hours.

and then we may or may not have stayed up most of the night laughing and talking and staring in total thought-we-were-too-old-for-this-but-it-sure-is-fun disbelief at the empty bottles lined up on the counter.

i'd been in town less than 4 minutes when i decided i never wanted to come back. (except to pick up the wild woman, hubby, and the pups. or maybe i could have them fed-exed to me up there?!)

even my mangy, split-ended, flat-ironed-within-an-inch-of-its-limp-life hair minded its manners. i was totally sold.

oh my dear, dear hogtrnr (pronounced hog trainer). how i love thee! hogtrnr + jshu = truluv4everrrrrr.

and in case you're wondering about our freaking fantastic nicknames, i'll just tell you that in college we discovered we loved about 24155 of the same things ... one of them being personalized tags.

xo, hogtrnr! can't wait to come back!

it only took us 5 stops at 5 different razorback stores in 3 different zip codes (truth!), but we finally found a suitable hitch cover for my ride! and in true hogtrnr fashion, she shined the back window on my car while we were putting this bad boy on ... girlfriend just can't tolerate a dirty vehicle.

instead of doing more serious damage to the world's red wine population on saturday night, we had the bright idea to make our own sangria. in an aqua blue bucket. and then meticulously pick out the pulp with a tee-tiny mesh strainer 'cuz it made us want to gag. but otherwise, the stuff was surprisingly yummy!

the kitchen table games got so serious that big mama even had to bust out the first ponytail since before i had the wild woman. (puffy face + ponytaill = no no.)

i refuse to tell you which college-inspired oldie we were playing at the time, but i was TERRIBLE at it. dice just never have been my friends.

we moved on to dominoes at some point, and my luck mercifully started to turn around. i was first out for three or four rounds in a row ... probably due to beginner's luck. but y'all better believe i played it off like i was the greatest domino player since ... well ... never mind. ha!

and then i lost the last dozen or so games. frick.

as much fun as i had on the hill with my all-time best buddy, this mama was starting to miss my sweet (sassy!) wild woman and her daddy pretty badly by sunday morning.

my absence had made me quite unpopular with the pint-sized princess ... until i started handing out the presents. of course.

my little sweetie requested dog ears that morning 'cause dog ears are for big girls, mommy. and only big girls wear a hog on their shirt. right, mommy? 'cause you're REALLY big.

too true, sweet girl. too true.

i also snagged some new pink shades for the wild woman from baby gap ... which means now she's just like mommy when we're in the car - shades on, favorite drink in the cup holder, bubble gum smacking a mile a minute.

(a good friend once told me that a lady never chews gum ... hmmmmm. ... my response? i never professed myself to be a lady. ha!)

you may remember me telling you that almost immediately upon my return from faytown i fell victim to a miserable case of pneumonia ... and ringworm ... and an infected salivary gland (more on that coming soon). i'm shamelessly using those as a cop-out excuse for the miserable state of the playroom over pretty much the entire week of spring break.

and my bedroom.

(this shot was taken on wednesday ... i think. i got home sunday night. sick.)

i was feeling almost human again by friday of that week, so hubby and i headed out with a friend of his to shoot some guns.

(i SO wish this photo hadn't turned out so fuzzy ... it's one of my all-time favorites!)

i sent this to a few friends and my dad with the caption what does this do for your blood pressure?!

that cute little black number was the only thing i shot ... i was pretty intimidated by everythingelse. one of the shells kicked back and touched my face and i FREAKED for a second thinking i'd shot myself.

winner!

then my situation had headed south again. i woke up saturday morning with a large (think ping pong ball-sized ... seriously.) knot on the side of my neck.

it hurt to touch and became increasingly sore as the day went on ... my sister (she's a nurse) guessed that the infection from everything else had settled in the glands (or are they lymph nodes?! whatever.) in that area and that i'd probably be fine in a day or two.

ummm, no.

we took nana to sunday lunch after church, and i thought i was going to die on the spot. in the middle of bryce's. before i even got to eat my mac & cheese.

my only option was a walk-in clinic by our house ... where i had to wait FOREVER.

my biggest fear was that i'd have to get a shot.

and with the Lord as my witness, i WISH that had been the worst of it.

i started compulsively asking about the shot over and over (totally par for the course for me at the doctor. i don't stop asking until i'm in my car backing out of the parking lot. it's a sickness.) and then the dude (doctor) just started laughing.

he very obnoxiously popped on a latex glove and was still giggling (yes. he. was.) when he informed me that i might get a 'tad' uncomfortable while he put his hand in my mouth.

say wha?!

oh. yes. he. did.

apparently the knot wasn't housing an infection - if you remember from this post, it was a blocked salivary gland - you know, the kind whose treatment was to suck on something hard.

y'all forgive me for saying that two posts in a row ... i just couldn't help it. ha!

moving on!

any of y'all who have been around for more than five minutes are already well aware of my wild woman's obsession with all things dance and dance-related.

well.

we had the opportunity to take a friend's girls to dance a couple of weeks ago at the same studio where my girl will start in september.

i don't know who was more excited ... miss priss or me?!

she stood in the door with her cute little mouth just hanging open for almost half an hour. every now and then she'd turn around, eyes wide, and tell me in a half whisper/half yell .. 'MOMMY! it's BALLERINAS!!!!!!!!'

we totally can't wait.

i'll be spray painting 18 pairs of tap shoes in the backyard before i know it!

love & guess who's been EARLY to work for more than a month .... this girl!!!,