alive.

so i'm alive y'all.

by the skin of my teeth.

which, if it's like everything else on my train-wreck self, will jump ship any second.

it all started when i got a cough.

then i went to fayetteville for the weekend to visit my too-fantastic-for-words college roommate (hiya, hogtrnr!!!!!) and acted like a total FOOL (major fun, major lapse in good judgment - would do it again in a HEARTBEAT).

(p.s. - full recap coming this week. mama's back on the blogging horse, kiddies. watch out!)

upon coming home, my immune system attacked me and i immediately started running a 104-degree fever. as in, less than an hour after i pulled in the driveway.

then my respiratory system went awol and tried to kill me.

then i thought i was better and skipped a day of my medicine. (if there was a 12-step program for being a nightmare of a patient, i would be the poster child.)

then the sickness from hey-ull reared its ugly head again and put me back on my arse with another 104-degree fever.

then i discovered a .... wait for it .... RINGWORM. in a spot no one should EVER discover such grossness. (just keepin' it real, y'all. i promise you can't catch it through the computer screen.)

then i woke up yesterday with a cluster of ulcers under my tongue and two huge swollen knots on the sides of my neck.

then i thought i was dying.

then i caved and went to the doctor, my mind wholly consumed with all the ways i could avoid a shot. (hellloooooo, ringworm!)

then the doc informed me that the golf ball on the side of my neck has nothing to do with the respiratory distress from earlier in the week - it's actually a blocked salivary gland.

(basically - it's going to hurt. it's going to have to go away on its own. it's going to last 'hours, days or weeks' according to the doc. read: it's going to majorly suck. sorry, mom.)

THEN he told me the treatment plan for sialadenitis ... AND I QUOTE:

"you really need to suck on something hard to make those glands produce."

ohhhhhh. emmmmm. geeeeeee.

before you choke on whatever was in your mouths when you read that sentence, let me just share that i have not enlightened my main man with those words of wisdom this fine evening.

i just couldn't deal with that tonight. ha!

naturally, i went to target for $2 worth of lemon drops and peppermints .... and came out with nearly $200 in clothes, hair stuff, and cute sharpies for school.

please don't act surprised. we all know you're not.

so. to recap.

my respiratory system hates me. my skin hates me. my neck and glands hate me. i spent too much money at target.

i can't wait to see what's next.

love & it's back to reality - blahhhhh,