sissy, sister, seeeester.

Nearly three weeks ago, our world was changed forever.

My sister Jen and her husband Lee left on a quick trip to pick up a prescription at a pharmacy less than a mile and a half from their house.

They never made it.

We aren't absolutely sure of the details that led to the accident, so I'm not comfortable sharing anything more than what we know to be fact at this point: another truck crossed the center line, came into their lane and hit them.

Both Jen and Lee were rushed by ambulance to the hospital.

Lee didn't survive the accident.

Jen survived but was broken basically from head to toe.

The hospital staff here knew they weren't equipped to provide the care Jen really needed, so she was immediately flown to Little Rock to a Level I trauma center.

She remained sedated for the next 10 days as she underwent surgery on her leg and arm and to allow time for her other injuries to heal.

During that time, our family said goodbye to Lee and faced the heartbreaking task of having to tell Jen about it when she woke up.

Our girl is such a FIGHTER that the CCU staff at the hospital said they couldn't remember the last time they had a patient who remained so alert even while being heavily sedated. We, of course, weren't the least bit surprised. Our girl was in there, and she was fighting as hard as she could to come back.

In a HUGE praise, Jen ended up not needing an additional surgery that had been planned and we were able to wake her up several days sooner than we expected.

The couple of days that followed her coming out of the sedation were just as difficult as we knew they would be. But Jen survived. And we survived.

She spent another week being transitioned from critical care to step-down unit and then to a regular room on the orthopedic floor. And then yesterday, less than three weeks after her accident, Jen came home.

She's still facing a long and physically painful recovery in addition to facing the loss of her precious husband.

But she can do this. We can do this. I told her last night I'm not totally sure exactly how we will do it, but we will. One teeny tiny baby step at a time.

Our grief is overwhelming. Our hearts are absolutely broken - but our spirits aren't.

There is absolutely no doubt that the only thing Lee would want any of us to be doing right now is taking care of his precious family. And while I doubt we'll ever be as good at it as he was, we are doing just that.

The outpouring of love, support and well wishes has been overwhelming in its own right. Within minutes of the accident happening, the hospital halls were flooded with family and sweet friends who have been by Lee and Jen's sides every step of this road so far. I have never seen so many cars and so many people in one place as I did at Lee's funeral. There are friends - including many of you that we only know via social media outlets - who have heaped upon us love, support, prayers, well wishes, food, flowers, offers to help with the kids, and random acts of kindness from mowing Jen's yard to putting a new set of tires on her car. We are absolutely blown away by you and your generosity.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Being the good southern girl that I am, I wish there was a way to send each one of you a personal thank you handwritten on monogrammed stationery. (And I'm still thinking I just may try to do that. Writing thank you notes = therapy for this girl.) But since there is a good chance that may not be possible, please understand that we have felt and cherished every kind word, prayer, and gift alike.

Our focus right now is taking care of our girl and getting her physically well so that we can face the rest of what lies ahead.

There are three incredible kiddos who are ecstatic to have their mama back home. I love those babies like they're my own (And YES. They are still babies at 16, 12 and 7.) and Crazy Aunt Jill has been doing everything I can to help fill in the gaps while Jen has been gone - but I know I don't hold a candle to her with them. There have been ballgames, beauty pageants (Crazy Aunt Jill goes pageant mom!!!) and just regular school days - and those kids have rocked it all even in the midst of their worlds being turned upside down. I will never, ever be able to express how proud I am of them. Although - I do have to say that right after the accident happened I was talking to the kids and told them that I just might move in for a while to help keep everything going ... and the looks on their faces resembled pure TERROR. Ha! Love those babies. Love their mama. Love that precious Lee and everything he is to this family.

Speaking of love - there are two other chicks I'm fortunate enough to call sisters. I am a lucky, lucky girl to have these three in my corner. Some may get caught up in the semantics of blended family-isms, but I couldn't care less. As my wise mama said last week - We don't have step hearts. We don't have step love. We don't have step heartache. This road is one I wouldn't wish on anyone. But here we are. And I'll be damned if we won't come out stronger on the other side.

So let me tell you this. All the fluff, all the junk, all the whatever aside - these girls are my sisters. I couldn't care less about the labels anyone else thinks should or shouldn't apply. We are sisters. No asteriks, no footnotes, no exceptions. Sisters. End of story.

We may argue. We may be petty at times. We may not talk every day. But I guarantee you that none of us would hesitate to drop everything for each other. Period.

{jill + blair. galveston. circa 1990-something.}

{jill + blair. fayetteville. circa 1980-something. and i kow you think that looks like tom cruise posing with us - but it's actually our handsome daddy!}

{hannah + sophie. hannah graduated! may 2012}

{the 3 shumaker girls - trouble + more trouble + most trouble. in that order. may otherwise be known as jill + hannah + blair.}

{jen + jill. halloween 2012. hayride at mom & jimmy's. lee snuck off the trailer and then jumped out of the woods at us. i think we all needed clean undies after that. ha. tears falling down my face as i caption this.}

{blair + jill + hannah. august 9, 2012. i turned 28. the dirty 30 is quickly approaching.}

{jen + squishy sophie. december 23, 2007. aunt jen loves her some wild woman. more tears.}

{wild woman + aunt hannah. mcalisters. december 23, 2012. priss walks around like she owns the joint.}

{blair + jill. october 2012. celebrating baby kale's upcoming arrival.}

{hannah + jill. aunties!}

{jen + jill. one of my favorite pictures of us.}

{sophie + aunt jen. january 1, 2011. the day lee & jen became mr. & mrs. be still my heart. we love you, lee. thank you for taking such good care of jen and the babies.}

{kennedy + blair. december 2012. kale was almost here!}

{sophie + kennedy. march 30, 2013. one week after the accident. flowers for taylor & adison as they competed in the miss new boston pageant. taylor - 1st runner up Miss New Boston and most photogenic. adison - Junior Miss New Boston 2013 and most photogenic. not the LEAST bit shocked. they got it from their momma.}

Some days I worry that I'm depriving Sophie of a big part of life because she is an only child. Then I look at she and Kennedy together. And I see sisters. 

Love.

oh wild woman.

y'all. i don't even know what to say.

this girl.

she is .. something else.

y'all may have seen some of these already - especially if you follow me on twitter or instagram - but i couldn't resist putting them here too.

just a few peeks into what it's like to live life on the wild side.


a glimpse into my future? probably. {not pictured: the handcuffs i'll use to chain her to her bed when she's 16 and looking like this and thinking she's going out on a friday night with some idiot boy.}


a couple of cute rapunzels headed to trunk or treat.


cinderella on her way to make a monster candy haul.


we're back to dancing. and loving it.


no. i can't take a shower in peace. why do you ask?


big girl was a champ at the dentist!


#longhairprobz


dress yourself day at ms. rita's! {read: mommy needed starbucks more than i needed her to match and we didn't have time for both.}


our best buddy came to play! {with only minor only-child-selfishness-meltdowns included!}


mommy - is this a tie-too {tattoo}???


even the wild woman gets sick.


taking the twins - twinkle & asia - for a little evening stroll.


snuggled in with her brother for christmas cartoons.


same fuzzy hairbow, then and now. lawd have mercy.


another round of sickness. another round of fist fights over taking medicine.


so i just met you, and this is crazy - but here's my number, call me maybe?


ol' mom ended up in the playroom bed that night.


tea party!


massive double ear infections? how 'bout some candy for lunch?


buuutt mmmmoooooommmmmyyyyyyy i don't neeeeeeeeed medicine!


do you WANT me to 'frow up on the shower curtain again?

loves, loves.

my daddy.

so the last time we spoke (in, uhh, october - insert shame face) i told you that my dad had given us a scare with his heart and blood pressure.

to summarize: he had an episode of alarmingly high blood pressure that led to an appointment at the arkansas heart hospital for a cardiac check-up. most of everything they did checked out fine. almost.

we actually found out that rcs has two (relatively - based on his size) small aortic aneurysms. two different doctors agreed that since he is a big guy, the normal limits don't necessarily apply to him and surgery wasn't an automatic next step. his cardiologist is monitoring him every few months, and unless there is a significant change, he should be fine without any invasive interventions.

so.

fast forward a month or so to the week before christmas.

we were all getting ready for baby kale's big arrival (obnoxious details coming soon), and i was finishing up the last week of school before the holidays.

big (as the girls so affectionately call him) had been feeling kind of junky and had been on first a z-pack and then some tamiflu trying to kick what was ailing him before baby day (which was set for thursday).

even after 7 days of various medicines, wednesday morning rolled around and he still wasn't well.

i usually see him every morning for our meeting of the minds. (read: we meet at mama shu's for her to fix us breakfast and load us up with various forms of caffeine and for me to do the crossword puzzle in the paper. and dad usually makes fun of what i wear at some point. it. is. perfection.)

for him to miss three days in a row was highly unusual. and i hadn't actually talked to him all week - we'd only texted. he finally cracked when i sent him the 1000th 'YOU NEED TO GO TO THE DOCTOR!' text of the week (shouty capitals most definitely intended) and said he'd go somewhere to be seen that day.

he promised he could get there in one piece, so i went on to school and mama shu went on to the beauty shop. (don't nobody mess with her beauty shop appointments.)

being the chronic worrier that i am, i couldn't stand it and called him about 9 o'clock during my conference period. it took me hearing him say less than three words before i knew something was SO very wrong.

i grabbed my stuff and ran out of the building. seriously. i barely stopped long enough to even tell anybody where i was going.

at that point dad was waiting to be seen at an urgent care clinic in new boston (about 20 minutes from here), and i flew down interstate at a speed which we will not discuss to get there. he was sitting in his car barely able to move or talk or breathe. and it was going to be at least a couple of hours before anybody could see him.

umm no. no, no, no, no and NO.

i got in his car and drove him back to texarkana (again at a speed that we will not discuss) and straight to the emergency room. he won't mind me telling you this now, but he spit out some quite uhh, colorful language directed at me during that drive. you know - when he could get enough breath to talk.

i parked his tahoe in the middle of the no parking zone and went in on a mission. the poor, unsuspecting receptionist earned his money that day. i may or may not have activated the Teacher Voice to let him know that rcs would NOT be waiting in line. i dropped all the medical buzz words i could - aorta, aneurysm, blood clot (they worried he had one back in november), atrial fib (he has a history), shortness of breath, chest pain (he said it felt like a knife going through his ribs), etc.

honestly - i thought by this point that he had pneumonia and needed some breathing treatments to get him back on the right track. i didn't have a clue where we were headed.

the triage nurse started assessing him and got a funny look on her face. she asked him if he felt funny (ummm duh) and then told us his heart rate was more than 200 beats per minute and that his blood pressure wouldn't even register on the monitor.

they took him back to a room before the nurse even finished his chart. she looked at another nurse and just said GO.

the first few minutes in the room were busy. several people were in and out working on him, hooking up wires and monitors, starting IVs and drawing blood. there was a quiet urgency to everything they were doing, and they weren't wasting any time doing it.

his heart rate was still hovering around 200 beats per minute, and his blood pressure was reading in the 50s over 30s.

dad was awake and talking to us the whole time, so i really wasn't panicked yet.

but after an hour or so of nothing improving, fear started to wash over me.

they couldn't get him to convert from atrial fib back into a normal rhythm, and they couldn't get his blood pressure to climb any higher than 60/40. one of the doctors wanted a CT scan but said he wasn't stable enough to leave the room.

umm what?

we went on like this for most of the afternoon until they had a bed for him in ICU.

umm what?

the general consensus was that he had some pneumonia going on and that he got dehydrated and weak to the point that it kicked his heart out of rhythm. they kept calling him a 'perfect storm.' there were several things all working against each other that resulted in him being pretty much in critical condition.

we got him settled in icu for the first night and hoped that the new drug they were hanging would convert his heart during the night. if it didn't, there would be another discussion.

keep in mind that while all of this is going on, my sweet sister was getting ready to check into the hospital - the one on the other side of town from where dad was admitted -  the next morning to have baby kale.

i stayed with him until bedtime and then went home to get some sleep, hoping that when i stopped by on my way to school thursday morning (i had every intention of going! pinky swear!) he would be in normal sinus rhythm and in a regular room.

not so much.

i got there the next morning to find him pretty much the same as i'd left him the night before. his pressures were somewhat better, but his heart was still in a-fib with no signs of coming out on its own.

we were pretty confident he wasn't dealing with a blood clot in his lung - which had been the fear the day before. but he was still in a dangerous rhythm with less than stellar blood pressures.

the plan at that point then became to cardiovert him back into sinus rhythm. as in ... zap him with the paddles.

i, of course, flipped the hell out. everyone else, of course, told me to calm the hell down. apparently that procedure was fairly simple and quick - so much so that they could do it in his icu room without having to move him.

we were in the waiting room for less than 15 minutes for the whole thing. they pumped him full of the same stuff ol' MJ took for kicks and giggles, popped him, and voila - no more scary heart rhythm!

after he woke up we spent the rest of that day checking in on blair while she was in labor and watching old westerns on the tiny tv in his room. i was kind of sad to be missing that sweet time with my sister, but i wouldn't have let anyone else stay with the big man that day. except for maybe his mama.

rcs stayed in icu for another day and night just to make sure he could maintain NSR without anymore interventions, which he did beautifully.


he was moved to a regular room by friday afternoon and even sat up in the chair to eat lunch like a big boy! i was so proud!

by lunchtime on saturday, he was fussing at nurses and yelling at my sisters and me ... we were thrilled!

he made a few laps walking around the nurses' station without assistance to make sure he could keep his oxygen levels up and then they finally sprung him from the joint that afternoon after what felt like the longest four days in history.


he's finally back to stopping by gloria's for breakfast and making fun of my boots and calling me moose.


i even got him to come over for supper (i cooked!!!!) so we could watch alabama run all over notre dame.

i can't stop for too long to think about what happened that week because it scares me to death. i didn't realize how close we came to actually losing him until after it was all over. i ran into one of his icu nurses at target this week, and she told me she was still shocked he made as much of a recovery as quickly as he did. she said she's seen patients come in with less going on with him, and they never left the hospital.

and.

during a follow-up appointment yesterday, his internal medicine doctor told him that while reviewing the hospital records he noticed that for the first couple of days he was there, the doctors gave him LESS than a 50% chance of survival.

talk about a gut check.

i'm still wrapping my head around that one. but not for too long at a time. i just can't go there.

besides - he can't leave me yet. my sisters are FAR too crazy for me to deal with on my own! (love you girls. but seriously.)

love & go hug your daddy today,

jill